Opportunity to Grow

I think that saying  “No” to people has everything to do with
self-esteem and self-confidence.

A person being afraid of saying “no” and who always agree, even
if it’s not for his or her best interest, has fears: most of
the time, it is the fear of rejection.

Fear of rejection is typical for a person with low self-esteem
who always want to please.

Here are some tips from my friend Michael Lee that will help
you say “no” and therefore increase the level of your
self-esteem and self-confidence

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How To Say No And Still Be Liked
By Michael Lee

We’re all been in this situation. Somebody asks us to do him or
her a favor and, though there are a gazillion other things we
should do first, we find it difficult to turn the other person
down because he or she has done us a favor in the past, or is a
close friend or a family member.

The concept of gratitude
prevails and we find ourselves trapped in something we really
didn’t know why we committed to. We can sometimes be so worried
at causing disappointment in other people, often at the expense
of our own activities and interests.

Frankly, knowing how to say ‘no’ requires skill. Others might say
that it shouldn’t be hard to do. But, let’s face it. We live as
social beings and acceptance often occupies the number one spot
in the list of virtues we want to achieve. Despite this, there
are actually ways we can circumvent this difficulty using the
tips that are mentioned below.

Here are five friendly, pain-free and reasonable ways to say
‘no’.

1. Say ‘no’; then show what the other person has to do to get a
‘yes’

For example: An employee is asking you for a raise but you
hesitate to do so because lately he’s been skipping work and
picking arguments with co-workers. Yet, he looks like he really
needs it and has been working for your company for three years
now. You want to give him a raise, but his recent behavior is a
little disappointing. How do you say ‘no’?

Tell him that you can’t approve a raise right now, but will do so
once you see an improvement in his work ethic. You can say, “I
understand your need for a salary increase, but in order for me
to implement that, we’ll have to work on strengthening your work
habits. Now, let’s see how we can make that happen…”

2. Make it impersonal.

Make it sound like saying ‘no’ was a matter of circumstance, not
of choice. An example of this is: “We’ve just paid our mortgage
and my daughter is going off to college in two weeks. I won’t be
able to lend you money.”

3. Say ‘no’ in a way that will make the other person say ‘no’ to
himself or herself

Instead of saying ‘no’, teach the other person to say ‘yes’ to
what you want. Do this subtly, of course. For instance, your
fashion conscious sister wants to get a pink iPod while you want
a blue one. You can tell her that while pink is a cute color,
it’s more difficult to match with her clothes. Once you level
with her and link what you want with what interests her, she’ll
give in and agree with you.

4. Say you want to say ‘yes’, but…

Like tip number two, make it sound like you had no choice but to
turn the other person down. This way, the relationship remains
intact and no one gets hurt. Just don’t involve other people,
like blame your saying ‘no’ to somebody else, as this could
result in conflict and ill feelings.

5. Say it nicely.

You’re giving negative news, so you might as well do it nicely.
Let the other person down easy to avoid misunderstandings. It’s
the least you can for the disappointed. People tend to be more
accepting of bad news if it’s brought in a polite and sympathetic
manner.

Michael Lee is the author of How to be a Red Hot Persuasion
Wizard… in 20 days or less, an ebook that reveals mind-altering
persuasion techniques on how to tremendously enhance your
relationships, create unlimited wealth, and get anything you
want…just like magic. Get a sample chapter and highly-
stimulating “Get What You Want” advice at:
http://www.vision-to-action.com/persuasion.html

 

Tags: NLP - Building Self-Confidence, NLP - Building Self-Esteem, NLP - Videos //